krista carothers

just thinking about how the musical rent is about squatters and the lyrics to that show have been squatting in my brain since 1997 despite multiple eviction notices anyway I’m high af 🎵to marijuana!🎵

Pulitzer Feeling Increasingly Out Of Place In Washington Post Office

Pulitzer Feeling Increasingly Out Of Place In Washington Post Office

My retirement plan is the collapse of civilization.

"You're going places"
Yeah, probably a detainment camp.

Hinge will be like: you and this troll who lives under the Williamsburg Bridge are most compatible, we think you should meet

a diet coke that tells you you’re doing a good job

a blocklist specifically for people who say shit like "drumpf" and "SCROTUS" and "elmo" when talking about serious politic issues

i just want to say for the record that it's bullshit that i still have to go to work even though democracy has collapsed

Tonight is the night we count backwards from 10 and everything fixes itself

i love the time between christmas and new year's eve—no rules, airport hours, anything goes.

Happy December 24th, 9 PM, eastern standard time to all who celebrate

Got to say “I think we can circle back after the holidays” on a call today and suddenly I’m filled with Christmas spirit

my neck
my back
my CEO attack

Do you think fish know they’re weird

Mary trying to find the door during Meredith’s bat mitzvah 😭💀 #RHOSLC

Do you ever look through your old profile pics and wonder which one people would share if you died or are you normal

Two stages of writing:

1) This shouldn't take too long
2) Oh no

Spotify wrapped kinda phoned it in this year

My signature move is apologizing for making it weird when it wasn’t even weird, thus making it weird

Did you know? Black Friday is named in honor of Rebecca Black, who invented Friday in 2011.

If you’re currently looking for a delightful random movie to watch with your aging boomer parents, Thelma (on Hulu) is that movie. Thank me later.

An anti-marijuana advertisement styled like a vintage PSA. The text reads, 'This Thanksgiving remember the cranberry sauce, but forget the marijuana.' Below is a warning about Terry, who was convinced to take a 'toke' with a friend to relax, leading to a 'murderous craze' where Terry killed the friend who gave him marijuana. The ad concludes with, 'Marijuana. Not even once.' The Ad Council logo is in the bottom left corner, alongside an outdated helpline number.

The back alley at SUR from Vanderpump Rules

Mentally we are ✨all ✨here

i wish you all a happy start to the third least productive work week of the calendar year, defeated only by december 23 and december 30. may your email auto-replies be bountiful and your friendly reminders sparse

I yearn to yap

please don’t tell me any more things i can’t handle knowing any more things

Your secret is safe with me as long as it’s boring