Howie’s Everything Club

Being a Mormon teen was weird because when you fantasized about your celeb crush you also had to fantasize about converting them first

This is extra painful because this is the one single thing that conservatives consider to be a Civil Right

It was never about the right to bear arms. It has been about the right to sell them

Nobody wants to work anymore
Oh phew I thought it was just me

Democrats: we’re so scared of seeming anti-police that we refuse to hold even one bad one accountable
Republicans: we hate every public teacher

I knew newsom was bad news from day one because I’ve seen literally one 80s movie and know what a villain look like

From Senator Chris McDaniel: “Lately, some folks have taken to calling ICE “the Gestapo.” It sounds fierce. It feels righteous. But it isn’t true, and it isn’t harmless. The Gestapo was a secret police force. No warrants. No courts. No lawyers. And no appeals. People vanished in the night, not because they broke the law, but because the law no longer meant anything. The knock on the door was the sentence. ICE isn’t that. Not even close. ICE is a public agency enforcing laws passed by elected officials. Its agents file reports. They seek warrants. They lose cases. Judges stop them. Lawyers challenge them. Some detainees go home. That’s not tyranny. That’s bureaucracy, for better and worse. You can hate immigration policy. You can argue enforcement is too harsh, too sloppy, or too broad. You can work to have the law changed if you wish. That’s a republic doing what it’s supposed to do. But when you call ordinary law enforcement “the Gestapo,” you cheapen real evil. You turn history into a slogan and suffering into a metaphor. And once every badge is tyranny, no tyranny is left to recognize. In Mississippi, I was raised to believe words should earn their weight. This one hasn't yet. It throws around the language of dictatorship while living under a system where courts still rule, lawyers still argue, and the government still loses. That difference matters. Because the day enforcement becomes secret, unchecked, and answerable to no one, we won’t need to borrow names from history. We’ll know exactly what we’re dealing with. And we’ll wish we’d kept our words honest.”

“ICE isn’t the Gestapo. The Gestapo was…” (proceeds to describe qualities that apply to what ICE is currently doing)

I’m going to hold your hand while I say this: this is very soft what moisturizer do you use

Female ferrets are called jills. That’s just fun

Guys will say women with OF have it easy when all they’d have to do is film themselves reading romance novels aloud in a comfy chair with tea while wearing progressively bulkier sweaters

The existence of Chevy Chase implies the existence of a Ford Escape

“Why do you love birds so much?”
Good question I think it all started when at a formative time in my adolescence I saw a movie in which Michelle Pfeiffer was a red-tailed hawk
“Then why cats?”
Ok you’re not going to believe this

More Street Fighter characters stealing each other's win victory poses.

…He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.

Ok thank you for your time. You’ve all got my headshot? Great. I hope to hear from you all soon

We said it in the 90s for the same reason but mostly it was spelled tuff

Helen of Troy: whoa there’s a whole war being fought over me that’s nuts

Beavers:

The law forbids taking endangered species into the high seas and yet I'm on a catamaran with a black-footed ferret and have never felt so alive.

Update on our favorite beaver kit triplets

kitty cats in STEM: sleeping, treats, eating mouses

Silly cats you act like you’ve never been fed before
Later
Is it noon yet I’m literally starving

The Cambridge Dictionary word of the year is smolbeanification let’s all hear it for smolbeanification

Sorry for the misunderstanding I was not giving you the cold shoulder that’s the warm shoulder. I want to be little spoon

2010 ass headline

I saw them do Apollo 18 this tour and it ripped

It can be a euphemism though

“I Lost Everything”: Venezuelans Were Rounded Up in a Dramatic Midnight Raid but Never Charged With a Crime Authorities said Tren de Aragua “terrorists” had taken over the building. A ProPublica investigation found little evidence to back up the government’s claims. For the first time, the Venezuelans arres...

You probably saw videos of a nighttime raid in Chicago. Agents rappelling from a helicopter, bursting down doors, questioning brown-skinned immigrants.

We investigated -- and found little evidence to support the government’s claims about Tren de Aragua.

www.propublica.org/article/chic...

Parody of Times headline "Did Humans Going to Work Ruin Everything?" Dek: That wasn't enough wet food, I'm STARVING

Look I get publishing a broad spectrum of opinions but I already fed them this morning

The gay cardinals joke every Christmas is funny but also it’s not weird at all to see male cardinals palling around during the winter. They’re just bros and maybe they kiss sometimes but strictly as homies

Notification Center Dad 16m ago It's your father, otherwise known as Bob, give me a call. I got some little news for you. Love you

Was putting my face on and missed a call from my dad. Saw this text and called him back. (This is a nice story. Also his name is not Bob. That’s what the grandkids call him. Long and unrelated story.)