adelaide jerks

The loss of access to old Looney Tunes cartoons is a tragedy for culture. How else are kids going to find out about Peter Lorre

“Have you tried eating a second dinner?”

-Me, as a therapist.

Epic idea

“still punk as fuck” i whisper to myself as i sit in front of my screen eating chips and waiting for my therapists video to connect

'Funky Leprechaun' tells Cork court he would go to jail rather than comply with busking bylaw.

Does he know they call it porridge, not Lucky Charms?

Rocky celebrating on the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, except it’s me successfully ascending twelve steps without holding onto a railing or walking on all fours.

I have two wolves inside me

-me explaining my weight gain

If you want to be spared prison for a string of murders make sure beforehand you establish to the police and the press that your nickname is ‘The Juror Killer’.

Sometimes after watching the tide selfishly destroy a sandcastle I like to take off my belt and flog the water just to see the look of surprise on the ocean's stupid face.

Like the old saying goes, you have to be a bitch to be kind or whatever.

How is it bad luck to open an umbrella indoors but not in your urethra?

Yeah I'm gonna *break my rusty cage
And **run

*Too big to fit
**Walked

Beach scene with a woman in sunhat, shades, and shorts riding piggyback on someone dressed all in black and carrying a scythe (like the Grim Reaper)

Let's goooo!

C+C Music Factory? You guessed it. Cilantro+Cilantro.

hello darkness (between the hours of 6am and 7am for at least a couple of weeks) my old friend

A window in an office has a banner that spells out: "Travelers CHUBB" with a depiction of an umbrella next to "Travelers." Both these names belong to insurance companies. No, really.

I have to admit, every time they upgrade me to First Class for free, I get a

[1981, dancing at CBGB]
Her: Blondie is so cool!
Me: Dagwood’s kind of a chump though

Puttin’ on some ankle weights and going for a run straight to the bottom of the lake.

watching the lion king take a break from chowing down on my mother’s bloody corpse to sing a whole song about how it’s cool and normal

tarantino and kevin smith, sealed in a chamber with harvey weinsteins body. doors will not open until they eat the corpse entirely as penance. doing rock paper scissors for who has to eat his dick and balls

I like to pull up nude to international borders so the inspectors know I have nothing to hide.

Jesus admittedly was kind of a nepo baby

Today is the 60th anniversary of the death of Margaret Dumont, a seasoned actress who endured every affront the Marx Brothers hurled at her as their foil. Dumont died knowing she'd be falsely accused of not getting the jokes:
"That was the job, you dumb assholes," she rasped at the end. "Christ."

Just cuz it’s called a tug boat it doesn’t mean everyone on there wants a handjob, is something I just learned.

I bet you have shit taste in cheeses.

"We fucked with that thing you love. It sucks now."

- companies who made your favorite stuff