Dick Blunderbuss

This is not the future that Dippin’ Dots promised us

My turkey bacon looks like a barbershop quartet

It’s time to beat the muppets!
It’s time to kick some ass!
I’m introducing Gonzo
To a knuckle made of brass!

just saw a meme and was going to show my dog when I remembered dogs can’t understand memes

I want to be clear that this isn’t a bit

Zari is a narc !!

GOD: nothing is going to eat you so you can just evolve however you want

PEACOCK: then I want to be 𝒻𝒶𝒷𝓊𝓁ℴ𝓊𝓈!

the peacock can’t have any natural predators, right?

does anyone make money off of making lofi or is it a public service

100%. Maybe the dril of his era.

(2 edibles deep) ok but what is the anthropological reason we’re hard wired to notice when things are “cringe”

(Triumphant Pokémon music) my MACKLEMORE became a MACKLEMOST

when I play tug of war with my dog I call her teefer sutherland

in the late 90s I told this guy that the world was going to roll him and that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. And buddy you would not believe how the next few decades went

chicken legs are only considered iconic because that’s the easiest piece to draw. everyone knows the thigh is superior but nobody wants a fried glob looking like the map of Spain on their bucket

1980s

me: I have a new idea for a wrestler. he’s going to be a real macho man, you know? A real savage

Vince McMahon: I’m interested. What’s his name?

Me: Randy

Vince McMahon: first of all I love it

I dreamt this last night

richard harrison saying "I have to reform the ninja empire" into a Garfield phone

when i've completed all my chores but am still bubbling over with nervous energy

Larb gai

I am not a big boy I am a

judge: defense, anything further?

defense: no diggity, your honor

judge: and the prosecution?

prosecutor: with apologies to the court we do in fact have some diggity

it is my personal belief that Donkey Kong is a cringe-proof character. Put him in any context and it’ll be great. telling kids not to do drugs? Hysterical! Encouraging them to do drugs? Even funnier!

look pal, if you call me a son of a bitch - as in, a literal female dog - buddy that’s gonna be the best compliment I’ve heard all year

The poop emoji should be frowning. There are many reasons for this

They screwed this all up.

me with a gun: which one is my real wife and which is the evil clone??

wife 1: don’t shoot me, honey. I love you so much

wife 2: you poop too much and too long and it annoys me

*shoots wife 1*

doctor: I’m looking at your blood work here and it looks like you’re drinking International Delight creamer straight from the bottle?

me: I can explain

doctor: please don’t

I am like Prometheus: I have brought fire* to humanity, and I am punished every day with a freshly devoured liver**

*nothing
**sour stomach

The Valentine family made a fortune off of his and the estate has made a well-loved museum in Richmond, VA. Valentine’s Meat Juice is weirdly a building block of the culture and history here

And you can get t-shirts from the gift shop!

Rigatoni is short for Rigorous Anthony

me: (extends an olive branch)

you: these olives smell like shit

me: that’s right bitch this fight isn’t over

2013 tweet: Our political future: a snakepit of insane facists on one side, & on the other, a Wall Street party that's culturally liberal & nothing more

Most prescient post of all time?