mr iced coffee

just signed a work email with I HAVE SPOKEN and maybe I’ve been on social media a bit too long

All 90’s boy bands are just bastardized barber shop quartets.

Change my mind…

I could see that. And that one did catch my eye too.

Dang it, I should have just bought the whole display. 🤦‍♂️

*i say goodbye and then
continue walking with
you in silence for 2 miles*

Whenever I get my breast exam I say “beep beep. honk honk. sorry*”

*I wasn’t

I kind of regret not buying them tho

A photo of a can (tube?) of Pringles. Naturally and artificially flavored Grilled Beer Brat Pringles.

Each and every day we stray further from The Lord:

A poop emoji on a post it note. Siri literally pooped this out when asked for a shit post. Best part is now it’s in my emoji keyboard.

I realize most on this site have an almost irrational hatred of anything AI adjacent. But it may time to reconsider…

Its my honor to present to you, the shit post:

You have now 😉

I’m sorry I can’t respond to you. I’m a one reply guy kind of girl

🥹🥹🥹

If you are looking to challenge your mind and body I recommend locking yourself out of the house

Ashamed to admit I haven’t read that one. But I believe it!

When I hit mute, I imagine I am powerful and can make you disappear

Server: a little Quiche before your main sir?
Me: ok, but no tongue

I’ve left the Chewy box with a 40lb container of kitty litter on the porch for three days now.

I DARE one of these so-called “package thieves” to take this one.

do you think if you played Metroid in front of an armadillo it would pick up any skills

Ghosts are already shells. Don’t stoop to their level.

ST-*yawn*-OP

"get in, loser" and then i pop open the gullwing door on delorean

Life is just collecting gold and gaining experience.

My heart is pure it's the rest of me that's tainted.

Apparently I need to rewatch this movie. Because I don’t remember this terror at all.

Drop an old person you’re going to turn into in the future:

too drunk* to fuck**
*high **talk

I swear; the things I do for you people.

He’s a 10 but I’m a people-pleaser

I think for Halloween this year we should all make a costume of 3 raccoons in a trenchcoat and see who wears it best

You should “do you” but maybe also do therapy