M

Joe Buck and Troy Aikman in the broadcasting booth. Joe is a wearing a brown suit and Troy is in black / dark grey.

The muppets Statler and Waldorf. Waldorf wears a brown suit and Statler is in a black suit.

“Bitch stole my look”

hey panera can we have the lemonade that kills us again

I will straight up let a session expire due to inactivity idgaf

i’m sorry i put salmon in your backpack when you went hiking. But how was i, the sole beneficiary of your estate, to know bears like fish?

I fight hard but I flight harder.

Gonna swing by church later and see if anyone gave up something I want

[doing my daily affirmations in the mirror]

i am the horror and i will be persisting

If a man bursts into the room and yells SAY WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA? he’s definitely wearing sock garters

Four out of five dentists agree to never tell what happened to the fifth.

*garbage truck approaches

My ride’s here, babe.

Sorry for acting so weird lately. It's just that I'm weird.

i don’t need you, i can take myself to funkytown

My favorite novel is 100 𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘖𝘧 𝘚𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦 because just imagine *closes eyes and clutches fist* all that fuckin’ solitude.

No. 1 pencils must’ve sucked ass i bet

Those Who Forget The Past Are Doomed To Repeat It 2: Electric Boogaloo

CAPTCHA: are you a human

ME: yes

CAPTCHA: oh i am so sorry

Please join me in being vexed.

It was the worst of times, it was the fucking worst of times.

Just really shit times.

Ask your doctor if the human condition is right for you