✨Vanessa

Currently writing a letter to support a partnership visa for a friend and it’s really weird being like “so this is my BESTIE and she is in LOVE” but in legalese to a foreign government

It’s no comfort, but the official DHS line being “he can be killed by masked agents of the state because he had a legal gun” is such an interesting new frontier in how Trump has made the conservative movement very publicly and embarrassingly abandon every principal it once claimed.

ICE is now responsible for 66% of the homicides in Minneapolis this year.

You can tell things are going well in America because accounts with names like MovieTVFunZone are posting things like, "THE PIGS ARE KIDNAPPING CHILDREN AND PRIESTS. THE TREE OF LIBERTY DEMANDS TO BE WATERED"

was asked this by a newly-downloaded app and immediately hollered “false dichotomy!” so i picked the first one

I grew this thing on my back for you.

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

I can't believe it needs to be said that you can't doxx a federal employee. They work for the PUBLIC their information is PUBLIC that is why we have the word PUBLIC

Sometimes all you can do is make the world 0.0000000000001% less awful by being a good person and it feels very meaningless but it’s also the only thing that really matters

Posting less political things since the problems we're facing have fewer solutions that can be talked about legally.

I’m not tired because I worked hard. I’m tired because I had to keep turning my real thoughts into polite and acceptable dialogue all day.

if you need an antidote for all the saccharine christmas music, i highly recommend tearing down your decorations to dirty south hip hop from the early 2000s

can you believe there's holidays that don't even have a special hat

actually wait I think the only use of our army technology should be for the Santa tracker

Oh you’re going to Midnight Mass? cool I’m going to Midnight Moss (i go collect moss alone in the woods in the middle of the night)

just remembered that the true meaning of Christmas is getting absolutely blasted for 12 days as our pagan ancestors intended

Shall we add an extreme and painful ritual to this holiday so that we can subconsciously deepen our identification with group members and reap the pro-social effects?

Useful phrases for spending the holidays with people who know every single one of your buttons:

• No thank you, I have buried those memories deep within my psyche and I will not be unearthing them.

• Please don’t try to lure me into your maze of circular logic.

(continued below)

[when a map app estimates how long it will take me to get somewhere] but I am not like the others, I am faster, better

David Attenborough: “Sleeping at night is unusual among mammals. More than 2/3rds of all mammals only become active after the sun has set”

Me hearing this at 2am: hell yeah brother

well well well another week, another opportunity to completely miss

jumping out of a cake and finding yourself inside an even larger cake

hey have you started that book I gave you? (threat)

Publisher: I know you like to write thrillers and gothic stories but I think you’d be really successful if you wrote a book for girls.

Louisa May Alcott: Fine but I’m going to kill one off. The nicest one. I’m going to kill off the nicest girl.

You should be able to get rich being silly online instead of being evil online, that would solve a lot of problems

Me to a friend who's going though it: Have you tried posting way too much? Like way, way, way, way, waaaaay too much

I love the concept of a caricature drawing because when else in life do you pay someone to bully you

all the puppies I started following when instagram was new are all dying of old age and i am NOT ok

Welcome to the abyss! Enjoy the abyss! Spend as much time as you'd like in the abyss! Surrender yourself to the abyss! Nothing is better than the abyss!*

*If you are not capable of handling yourself in the abyss, call 1-800-NO-ABYSS for help avoiding the abyss.

there comes a moment about five minutes after encountering a lost dog when you stop actively looking for a panicked owner and start to imagine a life with the dog. which makes the owner’s eventual appearance pretty bittersweet