Ben Allen

Half of being a successful lawyer is just showing up.

Apparently that platitude is sometimes true because I just won my second hearing in 2 days because the other side didn’t show up.

RAVEN: who is that

ME: that’s sophia

RAVEN: hi phia

“Did someone add me to a starter pack?”

-Me gushing after being followed by tons of obvious spam bots

I was talking to my three year old yesterday.

Me: “It makes me happy to be your daddy.”

Him: *gives me a hug and says in a sweet voice* - “I really like… the Rainforest Cafe.”

The boy keeps me humble

Not me spending a few hours researching and being positive that I downloaded several cases and uploaded them to the file before closing my 30 Lexis tabs

We anxiously waited months for that bill. Finally, on like the 3rd time I called to check they told me we didn’t owe anything. It is insane that we felt lucky about any part of that whole ordeal

I bet. Reminds me of once we were going from my wife’s insurance to my employer’s and for like 3 weeks the policies overlapped. During that time, my wife went into the hospital for 5 nights with what they initially thought was meningitis, ended up being sepsis.

Wow, that is amazing! We had a BCBS preferred plan, and a c-section after an attempted induction with 4 days in the hospital cost us $4k.

Nothing keeps me grounded as when I receive particularly bad pleadings or motions. It makes me think, “huh, if this guy is licensed then becoming an attorney can’t be that big of an accomplishment.”

My number one career goal is to never file anything that inspires that thought

It is, and they along with their only real competitor Westlaw are insanely expensive. No one is using it unless their employer is paying for the subscription.

Agreed both guests were great, and everyone had great chemistry.

When she was trying to explain that it was not funny and inappropriate to be asking for a book about nipples, I was being super helpful by laughing so hard I couldn’t breath the whole time

Earlier today my toddler goes “Momma! I want a special book about Nipples!”

After two minutes of her trying to explain that he can’t have a book about nipples and him being indignant about wanting stories about nipples, she realizes he is talking about “Nibbles” a squirrel they read about in school

Christmas lights will do it, but I’m also 33 asking myself “so…how much longer do you drive at night?”

Us too, we thought raisins were like onions, garlic, or even chocolate (other than dark). Best to be avoided, but with her being 50 lbs the amount she’d be able to get from anything she snuck at the house might be enough for some upset stomach and diarrhea.

1 raisin per 10 pounds is all it takes

Our toddler gave our dog some of his raisin bread one day. We were very lucky that it ended up with only a $2,000 emergency vet bill and a healthy dog afterwards.

It is no joke, we are now a strictly raisin free house

I heard there was a secret chord
Made Drake so mad
He went to court

Are third family values the same as first family values? Might be a communication disconnect here. I never considered when they say “family values” they might mean act in a way where you have to keep trying again with the next family

Our office has put a bunch of chocolates in the kitchen that have about 1/2 a cup of coffee’s worth of caffeine.

They taste just like Reece’s. Now, I immediately need to develop willpower before I give myself a heart attack

Ahhhhh@nerdjpg.com • 15m I can't wait until I have enough followers to do a 20,000 person murder mystery game 9 © 76 • • • Amanda Knox @amandaknox.bsky.social Sounds fun, but l'ma pass. November 18, 2024 at 9:34 PM

That’s fair

Is everybody believing in the servers? If you don't believe in the servers they don't work

The right amount of pasta is one box. 2 people eating, one box. 6 people eating, one box and maybe an app.

It’ll all get eaten and everyone will be happy either way

Tried watching Finding Nemo with my kid. Made it 3 minutes before he was begging me to turn it off.

I completely forgot about the Barracuda…. We all have to traumatize our kids at some point right?

I am stunned that I’m significantly more qualified for the position than someone actually nominated to be attorney general.

That should not be the case, I am PROFOUNDLY unqualified!

I don’t think it makes it much harder to sign someone else’s name digitally.

I’ve used the snipping tool to just pull my signature off a previous filing when my assistant was out, and I didn’t know where she saved my signature. Anyone else could have downloaded a filing from Pacer to do the same

Me every time I make a Negroni:

There is no bigger bully than a 3 year old.

My son was just grabbing my stomach and yelling in a silly voice, “Daddy, is an eater! Daddy is an eater!”

I’m constantly wondering how my single friends can afford to go on an international vacation every few months.

Then I get the monthly $1500+ daycare bill. Suddenly, it makes sense

Tailgate Brewery in Nashville does one as their November pizza of the month every year, and it is great. Might want to check out their Instagram for inspiration

Just realized I called it a tweet. Old habits die hard